A Travellerspoint blog

Beginning...

I'm starting my journey now. My big one. For anyone reading this who doesn't know me well enough, I just graduated from the Civil Engineering Co-operative Program at the University of Alberta, with Distinction (just to brag a bit...). And I'm about to board a plane to move to New Zealand. This is not where my adventure begins, but it is where I will start this particular blog. My travel blog for Bermuda and for the first bit of my previous trip to New Zealand are also on this website, but this is not so much a travel blog anymore as a life one.

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I keep asking myself what I'm doing: I'm moving to a country where my degree may or may not be recognized, a country where I will get paid significantly less for my skills... and the most beautiful country I have ever been to. Here I go. I feel like this is a new phase of my life, one where I'm expected to do something. I had the last phase figured out -- survive university. Done. Now I have this constant sickening feeling of fear welling up inside of me every time I think about it. I suppose the easiest course of action for now is to smile and just let this change happen. Then see where I end up in a few months and if I'm on the right track... but I'm way to anal to do that. I need to be conscious of the change around me, and involved in it... in control of it. But it makes me tear up and choke on my words.

My family, my friends, a life I know and loved is done now. And to be honest about it, I only just got the hang of it in the last year of university. What if it takes me 4 years to get the hang of it again? I can't bare that. Last time it took me that long to adjust I became depressed and I couldn't function. I need to function. More than that, I need to excel. I can feel it all around me, the pressure to be something great -- to make a difference, somehow. I know I have potential. I know. Maybe I have it in me. But when I think about it all I feel is that "maybe".

Goodbye home. Wish me luck. I pray I can hold it together long enough to make something of this new adventure.

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Posted by mtlewis 15:20 Archived in Canada

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Comments

Of course you're going to excel! You're Mikaela!

I personally think that smiling and letting things happen is one of the hardest things to do. It seems more natural to over-think and over analyze everything. Smiling and letting things happen is much more rewarding though.

You are an amazing and brave person. As soon as I have some spare money and time I'll come visit you :) In the meantime, lets set up a skype date.

Good luck and have fun! Everything is worth it if you're smiling while you do it.

by cmedyns

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